Staying Strong!!

It’s definitely been a while since I decided to write on my blog. “Why”? you may ask, because I have been through the mill the last 7 months since my last post, which wasnt exactly the most happiest of posts either, but mental health issues can do that to you.

Since May 2015, I have seen my depression and anxiety reach new levels and manifest brand new side effects, one of which is to have panic attacks about going out and at times, in all honesty, I didn’t think I would make it through this time.

But I am still here, I took on the total shittiness of 2015, especially the last few months of it, that just kept on flinging it right at me, and I won, because I made it out of there, battle scarred, hurt, feeling abandoned and unloved but I made it through and that is the important thing.

I have been told to “get over it”, “get on with it”, “it could be worse” and quite possibly the best one, “you brought this on yourself”!! I suggest that if you have ever uttered these words to someone suffering from mental health issues, then you go and read up about what its like to live with this, because believe me, if we could just get on with it, get over etc, WE WOULD!!! If only it was that simple.

People assume that you are weak because of a mental health disorder, but in fact we are strong, and it has taken 2015 for me to realise that. I wont go into details over what has happened, but I will say that I have dealt with a LOT the last few months and at times it very nearly broke me, but I managed to carry on, because deep down, I want to. I won’t let this win, even though there may be the black cloud living over me for days, I won’t let it consume me.

I am still a long way from being fully healthy, but I am trying to take a step back from all the negativity in my life and concentrating for the first time in a long time on what actually makes me happy, something I have overlooked for far too long. What I have found is that I am a person who likes the simple things, I like chilling out with Toad watching tv or a film, I love seeing his art work for his GCSE’s, I love having Oscar, the cat, sat on my knee purring away while he gets his chin tickled, I love watching the sun setting from the balcony windows and on the odd occaision I can actually focus at that hour, the sun rising over the Anglican Cathedral. these may be very small basic things, and the list is now getting a fair bit longer, but they are important to me and help me keep hold of the knowledge that even through the bad times, there are always small little lights that can always shine through even the darkest cloud.

Hopefully, 2016 will be a year that I can look back on and say yes, this was a good year that was filled with love, happiness and a light that will shine through the blackest of black clouds.

 

 

 

So Long Facebook!!

This blog initially started off as a record of days out, random thoughts & bits and bobs but I have been somewhat neglectful of late…. well since I started it if I am honest….. the reason why I hear you ask, well here it is……I am a sufferer of depression and anxiety, there I’ve said it. I am one of the millions out there who at frequent times find it hard to see a light at the end of a tunnel, who finds it difficult to actually do anything, who find it hard to build up the courage to even set foot outside in case I have a major anxiety attack and I’m far away from home….. far away can be the other side of town in some cases by the way, yes, I know its not far, a 10 to 15 minute walk but it feels like a million miles when that dreaded feeling comes at you.

Now, you may be asking why my title mentions Facebook and what that has to do with me talking about my mental health issues. Well over the last few months, I’ve have been struggling even more than usual, one day feeling great, the next minute just wanting the earth to swallow me whole and make it all go away and I occasionally post something not happy and jolly on Facebook. Now whether these posts are seen and ignored, hidden by Facebook from peoples news streams in honestly do not know, but the go unnoticed. Post a picture of your cat and everybody suddenly comes out the woodwork to like it.

Facebook, to me, now seems a place where only shiny happy positive people are welcome, were only perfect lives are acknowledged and cries for help are ignored, because that is what many of them are, cries for help. We are not attention seekers pretending, we are genuinely in despair, we feel alone in the world, we do not know how to escape this prison of our brains but all I know is that by our cries being ignored, overlooked, we believe even more that we are truly alone.

So, I’ve decided that I am better off without Facebook and all the happy shiny people who never have a bad mental health day. If this is in actual fact the reality of your life then you are truly, truly blessed but while you live your perfect life out on Facebook, give a thought to the invisible people out there whose posts cry out for help for they are the people who would love to be able to post happy things but may need a helping hand from their “friends” first so they know they are not alone.

Topsy Turvy Life

Well as the title hints at, its been a bit of a up and down couple of weeks. With a full moon fast approaching (I tend to have a low bubbling hatred for everything and everyone around me for a few days before it, kind of like a permanent Hulk smash feeling). Include a death and dementia diagnosis in the family & its not exactly been a great couple of weeks but it definitely does make you reflect on your own life and what you want from it before it all passes you by.

I’m a girl of simple means most of the time, I mean we all like a bit of life’s luxuries once in a while, but generally speaking I don’t need a lot from life to make me happy, nice home made food, the clan, the other half and  of course Toad. Throw in my love for nature & taking pictures of it and I am by all accounts a pretty happy Hippychick.

So what has the last couple of weeks taught me. Well it’s taught me to make the most out of each day, write about it if you want, photograph it, talk about it but whatever you do, try to enjoy as much of it as you can. Yes, we all get bogged down with mundane everyday things that make up a large part of our lives, but try to find those little things that make you smile. Everybody has them, we just need to take the time to appreciate them.

Things that make me smile don’t cost a thing

New Beginnings

View from my balcony

View from my balcony

First up, I just thought I would let you know that I’m not new to WordPress. I do have an oldish blog pretty similar to this one, but I was hopeless at keeping it up to date. As a lot of things have changed over the last few months, all for the better, I hasten to add & I decided to start this afresh as well….. and attempt to post at least once a week. So what’s changed….. well, I’ve finally stopped smoking, only took me 12 months and several hundred failed attempts, I’m now studying full-time for a degree in Environmental Science, and hopefully I’ll soon be returning to help out at the Liverpool Garden Festival (the joys of a dodgy back 😒). As for what’s stayed the same, I’m still slap bang in the middle of Liverpool City Centre, with rooftop views and a bit of the famous Anglican in sight, the child aka Toad is now so tall he barely fits in his room anymore and the other half is still enjoying afternoon naps and his TV. Now, as you can see from the blogs name and what’s been written so far I’m all for rambling, whether that be through the countryside, around a city, through life or as you tell, by writing about the bits & bobs that pop into my head & that basically sums up this blog………..I ramble, therefore I am!! So you can basically expect posts about days out around Liverpool & beyond, normally on a budget, the odd holiday, oodles of pictures and general rambling randomness So if you might like to occasionally follow my ramblings, then you’re more than welcome & I hope you enjoy my little journey through that thing called life.